Link to my teachers website:
Refinements and growth
I will start to elaborate on my points to relate to my over-arching point. For example, my original sentence in my literary analysis essay said: Waldo would, probably, like to live the way Thoreau does, but doesn't believe anything would get done in society, such as the Mexican-American war.
In order to make my point more clear, I provided examples and clarification: Waldo would, probably, like to live his life through self-reliance and non-conformity, just as Thoreau does, but doesn't believe anything would get done in society because everyone would be resting on themselves instead of helping each other resolve problems in society.
Many times in my essay, I wrote sentences with some awkward phrasing. For example, my initial essay said: Henry trying to love his life by the way Waldo thinks, and being disappointed when he finds out his beliefs differ from his, goes against everything that Henry believes in.
I rephrased this to say: Through living his life by the way Waldo thinks, but being disappointed when Waldo isn't living how Henry thought, goes against everything that Henry believes in.
My original introductory paragraph wasn't very clear about what point I was trying to make in my essay. It original said: Thoreau had ideas that went against all norms, he despised slavery when owning slaves was as common as some owning a car today.
I changed it to say: Thoreau was especially a strong believer in non-conformity and self reliance, believing that relying on yourself could be used to solve problems in society even more-so than casting your vote or protesting.
Link to revised essay: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LKf1ERV2kj_rEyecGIKY9Jjjgx9GbXLDzEmOJ8PNQU8/edit
In order to make my point more clear, I provided examples and clarification: Waldo would, probably, like to live his life through self-reliance and non-conformity, just as Thoreau does, but doesn't believe anything would get done in society because everyone would be resting on themselves instead of helping each other resolve problems in society.
Many times in my essay, I wrote sentences with some awkward phrasing. For example, my initial essay said: Henry trying to love his life by the way Waldo thinks, and being disappointed when he finds out his beliefs differ from his, goes against everything that Henry believes in.
I rephrased this to say: Through living his life by the way Waldo thinks, but being disappointed when Waldo isn't living how Henry thought, goes against everything that Henry believes in.
My original introductory paragraph wasn't very clear about what point I was trying to make in my essay. It original said: Thoreau had ideas that went against all norms, he despised slavery when owning slaves was as common as some owning a car today.
I changed it to say: Thoreau was especially a strong believer in non-conformity and self reliance, believing that relying on yourself could be used to solve problems in society even more-so than casting your vote or protesting.
Link to revised essay: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1LKf1ERV2kj_rEyecGIKY9Jjjgx9GbXLDzEmOJ8PNQU8/edit